Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Hillshire Farm Free Samples Server Interaction

 I love Costco and all their free samples, but I especially love interacting with the variety of sample servers. I go up to a middle aged sample lady who was giving out deli meat and ask her what it is, so she replies: "Turkey Breast". 

So I say: "From whom?"

Her: "Hillshire Farm."

Me: "Go meat."

Her: "What?"

Me: "That's the slogan."

Her: "I never heard that before."

Me: "When I say Hillshire you say farm: Hillshire-"




"Its on the commercial."

"Like on TV?"


"Oh, I don't watch TV..."

"Well... the joke is lost now. You have yourself a nice day!"

"Um...... You too."

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Feelings: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Few things make you feel better then an excellent movie, a chiropractic adjustment, or a liberating bowel movement. That being said few things make you stress out more then being at a rich clients house for a painting job, clogging up their toilet, and then not being able to find a plunger.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

My right before bedtime nonsensicle, horibbly mispelled Charlie Sheen rant. Read if you wanna laugh at me.

This was a note i wrote on facebook:

i AM aBSOTIVELY pOSALUTELY EXHAUSTED. Cap, craps lock was on! Now I'm constipated *kidding..or am i? O_o* hahaha But srsly: today was exhausting. 9:40 PM bed time? this morning i woulda said "preposterous! thats like mid day for me!" right now i say "It is very wise, and much needed"". I'm speaking nonsensical nonsense, not that my normal nonsense is sensical or even if sensical is a word but yeah. If a hot chick at a club ever said "in your dreams!" I'd say: "you betcha!" then proceed to fall asleep wherever i was. Across 3 barstools, on top of the bar, crowd surf and have a 5 second nap, right on a clubs dance floor, wherever. That would probably be my selective narcolepsy kicking in though. Okay i really need sleep before i start hearing colors and seeing sounds from sleep deprivation. GZoodnight peoples... oh look i already put a z in goodnight, thats how ready i am to type out zzzZZZ! Crap... now i'm thinking about a question ive always wondered: why the HECK are Z's used to represent sleep anyways? It can't be the sound, unless everyone snores like a bee or a power transformer. And by power transformer I mean those electric coil dealieos used to electrify your home and not a super boss alien robot car thing; although if they did have a need for sleep they probably might snore like that and probably could power your home using there energon core made from (according to michael bays team of INCREDIBLE writers *sarcasm*) harvested suns and stars. Oh don't ive me that "there the same thing" speech,you know what i mean. What was i talking about? Oh yeah: Z's... wow, looking at it i just realized a Z looks like an underlined 7 if your really look at it. 7 plus _ = 7_ Now move those closer and you get: Z! Yeesh... what a rant. Goodnight you awesome person you who actaully read this. If you did say: I love Spyglass. Random i know its on my wall and its the first thing i saw and i was reminded of steve carrels bit in Anchorman where he starts naming objects and preceding them with "I love:" to be part of the conversation. That wasnt funny but that was my idiotic and crazy thought process. I almost wish i did this rant in a video, maybe i can be as famous as Charlie Sheen. In fact thats what i will call this rant: My Charlie Sheen Rant. But alas, I shall sleep. Goodnight interwebs, if you're sexy and you know it clap your hands. *holds up applause sign to live audience*. I will now tag random people Ive known forever, just met, or have met only once. the last 2 i probly kno barely anything about, we'll see who gets randomly picked. It might be a little more planned then random but thats ok. Thats how i roll. I roll like a fruit roll up. I roll better then a bread aisle. I put a little rock in my roll, then bite down and break my teef. Nigh-ee nigh my fwiends.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I almost wish i could have my facebook status's go immediately to my blog because i come up with some funny suff sometimes. I need something though... something to work on. Whether it be art, a font, a logo, a tutorial, something. Give me ideas ppl.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Its about time!

Haven't done one in a month and a half.... So I have a couple of thoughts been banging around in my head and on my FB page to fill the void. Here are some of them:

I have a way with words. I'm not sure if its a wayward way with words but it is certainly way more wordy then others ways.

I've been told that alcohol only makes me act more "Eliot" if that makes any kind of sense. By that logic if i were to imbibe too much and get intoxicated then Mitosis would occur; generating "more Eliot" i.e copies of every cell within my body resulting in the inevitable and exact duplicate of Me. Terrifying. This truely is a horrifying outcome. The world can only tolerate one Eliot Truelove; sheer madness would result otherwise. Limits are there for a sanity-preserving reason.

As I go forward in age it is interesting to note that I am going backwards in time with my wardrobe. When I was 10 my wardrobe was hand me downs from the late 80's and now I lool like something out of the gangster era. By this rate I will be a Knight at 35 and a Viking by 50. Sweeeet.

>Somebody commented: "And a Caveman by 80! :P" on my FB and it made me laugh.

I woke with a sore throat but no joint ache. I went to bed thinking I would have both, maybe there's something to this pessimism thing: being pleasantly surprised when the worst doesn't happen. On the optimistic side: I can now sing the opening to "Down with the Sickness" quite masterfully.

If live gives you melons; make melonade. When life gives you lymes: grab some coronas, sit back, and relax because thiers nothing you can do about it. That's my motto.

This was just a sampling showing that i have an odd yet oddly intriguing kind of humor. For the ones that don't like it: So sue me. Thats an asian law firm by the way.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Whats up with the Cali time?

Not so much of a post as an: I wonder why... Why are my posts times off? It says i posted my previous posts at 11:01PM and 11:03PM respectively on Septemer 14th when i posted them at about 2:01AM and 2:03AM on September 15th. Why am i up you might ask? Yeah yeah i know it is what it is; because of my biking posts material is why i'm up; i can't sleep because i'm still pumped. Blogspot must be on Cali time as a default because i forgot to put my address in my profile. I wonder if it'll work for this now that i added that info? hmmmm..... lets see. I'll comment if it does or doesnt.

Edit as of 2:42 AM: I changed the time zone. I'm an idiot; but you already knew that.

My Summer Activities in Review: Biking

Ok so I've come to the realization this summer that i love Kayaking and Bike Riding. I set out to write this as one status but now its 2; this is for the Biking.The human body is an amazing thing; it can perform in amzing ways you never thought possible. Bike Riding always seemed like a sissy sport to me and i saw my dad for years watch the Tour de France and thought: Sure it's verrrrrry physical and the riders are true athletes but i don't think i could ever get into it. the outfits look funny. How wrong i was; its great! Take for example today; well yesterday (i'm writing this at 1:18 in the morning) I went on a TOUGH 20 mile bike ride; and i've been doing various types of road trails. Mind you they are like Tour de France bikes; Road bicycles if you would. Most of the times i'll just do laps in two parks with 2.5 mile circuits a piece and quite frankly it can get boring if you don't have someone to talk to. In fact: those are the kind of trails where you can really talk! You get used to the same old turns and your body just rides and its like walking and chewing gum at the same time except your riding and having an in depth conversation not even thinking about the trail; in fact you can do an easy 20 miles and feel great. However today that was not the case! The path we took we repeated only about 2 miles worth of road out of the 20.65 miles we went and barely talked; only for position switches and riding advice. This is not something you would think would get you close to your 62 year old dad and 18 year old brother; yet: that's exactly what happened! Each of us had something go wrong: my dad hit a string of potholes and got a flat; my brother hit a deeeeeeep pothole on our way back (i hit it a split second afterwards) and his front light looked like it exploded for some odd reason (probly the force). It looked like it spontaneously decided to throw all its parts in every direction! This was in the pitch black. Now mind you we set out at 6:20 and it took an hour and a half RIDE TIME. With stops because of problems and such it probly added about a half hour to 45 mins. Now on to me; mind you mine and Francois's (my brother) happened when it was PITCH BLACK when my dads happened at dusk. I had no front light or taillight and had to be in the middle the entire time when it was getting dark. I was following my dad (after both of there mishaps) towards the end of our ride and we went up a hill over train tracks. My dad goes over the hill and so does his light! So i can't see a thing and my wheel goes slightly off the side and sends me carreening INTO traffic! I didn't end up in the opposing lane but my water bottles did. The Driver wouldve braked in time anyway; he was good at driving whoever he was. This spill (probably combined with Francois's deep pothole) resulted in a bent back rim and a flat front tire; something i didnt realize until i got home and looked at it. I thought the severely bent rim was the cause of me being able to feel every nook and cranny of the road, not a flat. I'm positive the flat happened when i careened of the side over the hill; the bent rim might've been a combined effort. After my spill it was only about a mile till home through a construction zone in which i felt every...siinggle... bump! That was probably the toughest part; not the massively steep hills or the winding curves, the unrealized flat was. OK! Enough of this rant. I'll finish out with saying we are like machines that need routine maintenance and will corrode, rust, seize up, and dry rot if we don't "drive" ourselves to do physically active things and just ride.